Six months ago, Ryan really came into his own with
heroin. He says it helped him maintain a positive attitude, it keeps his
spirits up and honestly he’s never looked better. He’s rocking the What if Macaulay Culkin started shooting hot
mercury into his veins on the set of Home Alone 2 or Macaulay Culkin look.
I love it. Sadly his father has decided that the
son living in his basement that steals and does drugs all day needs to find a
better path to self-actualization. He doesn’t suggest a job or therapy or even
sitting down for an honest chat. He just wants him to stop.
With only three episodes left of Intervention, Ryan’s
story is much less a freak show and more about his dad’s cramped emotions and
his mom’s sad and unfortunate CRAZY DRUG ADDICTION.
Does anyone remember when your parent’s would try to play video games?
Just fifteen minutes of pushing the B button with
their pointer finger, looking back and forth from the screen to the controller
with an overall, I don’t get how you kids
play these things vibe?
But she gets is. Connie is addicted as well. She’s
also a Robocop. She suffers from extreme rheumatoid arthritis and has undergone
countless joint replacement surgeries. I wonder how many joints I’d have replaced before
I just stopped counting.
Either way here’s your answer.
Yes, she walks funny. Think big suit David Byrne if his bones were made from an Erector set.
She’s a suicide survivor (which I guess you can say) an addict herself and acts
as Ryan’s main supplier of prescription medication which he then trades for
drugs more his speed like adderall and heroin. To explain clearly she’s the
character Diane Weiss would play if she ever did a guest appearance on Law
& Order.
So with a roof over his head, a solid connection and some
part time lawn mowing for his father, Ryan’s doing all right. He’s pretty much a
sweet modern day smuggler. Swapping scripts, turning pills to smack to weed and
back again. He just charges a simple two dollars-per-pill transportation fee
(like you do). He’s a hustler baby and with SuperMom as his main supplier,
things are going great.
Enter Katherine (Kill Bill siren)
She’s an unwed mother of two…
She’s calls Intervention for help…
She’s… taking night classes.
From the evidence above it’s understandable that the family hates
the shit out of her.
But here we are Katherine! Thanks for getting us into this
mess! Now we all have to sit in this stuffy conference room and face two drug
addicts at the same time.
Everyone has a great time at the Intervention. Ryan immediately
takes his shirt off and pops some pills. The interventionist (I call him Chewing
Tobacco) tells the dad it’s okay to cry and eventually every gets on a plane
for therapy. It really made me laugh.
Are you telling me once you do hard drugs, everyone tsktsks
you when you spoke marijuana? No wonder hard drug users run full on into their addictions,
they must be so stressed out knowing after every AA meeting they’ll have to invite
attendees back to their place to hang out and smoke some… cigarettes? Yuck. Chemical dependencies aside… I’m pretty sure
they could have let him in.
The most important
thing I forgot to mention. Ryan has a tattoo of the Gerber Baby (or a
remarkable likeness thereof) tattooed on the top of his left hand.
A Google Image search to confirm the baby’s identity was
inconclusive.
